Retinal Bloom

The Scary Jokes

Spotify:
Bandcamp:
<a href="https://thescaryjokes.bandcamp.com/album/retinal-bloom">Retinal Bloom by the scary jokes</a>

Tracklist + Lyrics:

Our Murderous Descent

Shall we go down beneath the waterfall?
Raining thunder, where we can
Make a place to hide
Our splintering bones
Oh now we’re seeing red
Fetching the crown to
Adorn my lover’s head

We buckle too, when the flesh fails

Wanting, waiting, on vengeance to free her arrow
It’s a blind shot across our starlit kingdom
Our splintering bones
Oh now we’re seeing red
Fetching the crown to
Adorn my lover’s head

They don’t, they don’t know
They’ve got no common sense
We don’t, we don’t, we don’t
Have to be so defenseless

But we shatter too, when the flesh fails
And I’ll be right here, I’ll be right here with you

They don’t, they don’t know
They don’t, they don’t know
You don’t, you don’t know
The weight I carry
You know it don’t come easy
So won’t you be sweet
Oh fortune, please, won’t you be sweet to me?

Our splintering bones
Oh now we’re seeing red
Fetching the crown to
Adorn my lover’s head
Riptide

Riptide, pull me closer
You can pull me under
A hex on my head that makes me
Ever the fool, ever the fool
Who will build over this home of mine?

Riptide, pull pull me closer
You can pull pull me under

Jenny, Jenny, could you have been saved?
Such a pity, the mess you made
With those lovely hands
Sink your white fang into me
Rip my throat out, leave me gasping
Death to all men, who wrote op-eds
Lamenting how you kept your clothes on

The riptide will pull pull you under
You can pull pull me closer

Do you want to watch the transformer blow up?
You thought a bomb had gone off
But it wasn’t Armageddon
After all that rain, it’s no surprise
That the river rages and the waters rise
And the roads we know are going to take our lives if we’re not careful
I already spun out once or twice

Riptide, pull me closer
You can pull me under
A hex on my head that makes me
Ever the fool, ever the fool
Ever the fool, ever the fool
Ever the fool, ever the fool
Magic Hat

The grifter rolls into town in a black Cadillac
Pulling at the skin of your face
The very second that you got a taste
I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be so connected
And I just don’t need anymore friends
Yeah I just don’t need anymore friends

Even at your best, you’ve got no common sense
It’s just a simple “yes or no” to pass the test
When you stick your fist into my magic hat
You think you’ve learned the trick
Are you sure about that?

So reliable, always no time
Who needs an analyst when you’ve got style?

So far as you can tell, you know me very well
And there’s not much to know
You’re seeing what you get
In my mental map, the highways look like cracks
And if I make a move I’m never coming back

So reliable, always on time
Who needs an analyst when you’ve got style?
Forever in You

Static figure in the living room
Hit record, see what it’ll do
It moves in stop motion
Camera off

Night wind carries you, but don’t get carried away
Cause we’ve got lots of work to do today
Hang onto that thought
Though it isn’t a lot, it’s not, it’s not
It’s not nothing

Someday, I’ll hang up my skin
Lie down, become another thing
Someday, I’ll hang up my skin
Lie down, become another thing

Stand down, you’ll burn on the spot
I’d kill for my family, blood for blood
I try not to hurt, but when I do
I make that hurt live forever and ever in you

Hahahahahahaha

Nail me to a wall, nail me to a wall
Nail me to a wall, nail me to a wall
In the fibers, there’s blood in the fibers
The intention of inflicting pain
Yeah, that’s all it really takes
That’s all it really takes

I hear you in the hall
Bring in the wrecking ball
Bring in the wrecking ball

Garden show me something’s growing
For I want only beautiful things

Stand down, you’ll burn on the spot
I’d kill for my family, blood for blood
I try not to hurt but when I do
I make that hurt live forever and ever in you

Hahahahahahaha
Uzumaki

Go on and live your life in misery
We’re just moving our bodies to the beat
And I’m not evil after all
Go on and live your life in misery

You and I, we’re driving downtown
My mind’s eye is really delivering
Can I really lie, say I’ve got no regrets?
In this place all I want to do is be your friend

No contrition
No, no contrition
No contrition
No, no contrition

We’ll never be good, we’ll never be good
God, I hope I never see you again

Why can’t you behave?
You’re always out of control
Why can’t I calm down
Even when I’m alone?

It’s got me like…
Ooh, I wish things were different
Ooh, but the feeling’s not mutual

We all, we all
End up, all of us
In, in the
Middle of the spiral

If you say you’re sorry
I’ll say it too

No forgiveness
No, no forgiveness
No forgiveness
No, no forgiveness

Go on and live your life in misery
I’m not the wicked one
Go on and live your life in misery

Sucking the blood from my split lip
Sucking the blood from my split lip
Sucking the blood from my split lip, uh-huh

Fist in the drywall
Fist in the drywall
Fist in the drywall
You won’t believe who I just saw
Elephant Foot

’ve become the invisible man
You won’t see me around no more
No use in photographs
It burns holes in the film
Hoping you’ll forget me
Sincerely yours

Elephant foot
Smolders under feral dogs

I hide from my own reflection
I fear my own shadow
Burning in my memory
Every mistake I’ve made
Human error that wrought disaster

Pinning the yarn, it must be someone here’s to blame
Logging the evidence, a devil with no name
Try to justify the means, you can’t, you can’t
Imprisoned in dying dreams
We are not built to last
Little green army men who melt beneath the sun
Elephant foot smolders under feral dogs
Parthenogenesis

Fire in the sky
Harkens the comet
Strike me, strike out my absent year
Gently

You could do worse
Glad we don’t live in their universe
Where there’s no kindness
Only violence, withheld

From my body, an un-life
Ooh, it gets me every time
So I retreat to the celestial bodies
That bless us all, our parthenogenic lives

Those who aim to always be well
Are cursed to see illness everywhere
So take it back, take everything back
No one can stay the hammer that falls on you

Fire in the sky
Opens the heavens
This is, this is your last chance
To escape

You could do worse
Shut yourself off from the universe
You need to sacrifice for the happiness you seek

We are signing off now
Everything is squared away
Now we retreat to our celestial bodies
That bless us all, our parthenogenic lives

Those who aim to always be well
Are cursed to see illness everywhere
So take it back, take everything back
No one can stay the hammer that falls on you

Your little black book is burning
The black plume will shroud the Earth
Look to the stars, look to the stars
We’ve followed them for as long as we’ve been around

Now they look back
Now they look back at us
Fire in the sky, here comes the comet
Fire in the sky, here comes the comet
Rage

Thought you were a looking glass
But you hid all you meant to reflect
And you hurt what you promised to protect
I wish I could fix you but I can’t

I have her now
And I’ll never let her be alone again
And you, you’ll never really leave me
But I don’t belong to you or the wolves at my door

I don’t want to go to the bullfight
Don’t, don’t, please don’t make me go
Maybe I’m made to maim
But it’s my choice alone whose blood will paint these stones

Oh my rage belongs to me
And I, I’ll never be alone again
And you, you never really loved me
I don’t belong to you or the wolves at my door

Oh my love
Oh my angel
How I’ve wept
How I’ve seethed for you

I’ve grown coarse and befanged
Pacing in the night
Turning over and over
Trying to get it right
But I’ll never uncrack the vase
And I’ll never get us out of this place

But I, I, I, I have her now
And I’ll never let her be alone again
And you and I are severed evermore
You’ll always be on the other side of that door
Demons of Accident

When the white sun rises tomorrow
The whole world will hear our glorious screaming end
Punctuated by hissing insects
The sweat of our brow and our lifeblood
Will water a new crop

I roll back the tape
I roll back the tape
I roll back the tape
So everybody’ll know

We don’t have to hide those demons of accident, no
We just have to try, try, try, try for tomorrow

Hold your children close
Tell them to quiet down
Tell them to close their eyes
It’s time for good children to dream

We’ll keep our dreams tucked in our chest
Where they’ll always be safe

I roll back the tape
I roll back the tape
I roll back the tape
So everybody’ll know

We don’t have to hide those demons of accident, no
We just have to try, try, try, try for tomorrow

Ooh, I love you
Ooh, I’ve tried
Ooh, I love you
Ooh, I’ve tried
Though I fear to die

I roll back the tape
I roll back the tape
I roll back the tape
So everybody’ll know

We don’t have to hide those demons of accident, no
We just have to try, try, try, try for tomorrow
We just have to try, try, try, try for tomorrow
Retreat to Celestial Bodies

Vinyl Details

It's pretty. I'm mad that it's pretty because I don't like it

(Needlejuice mockups vs. my photos)

Personal Thoughts

The tldr: this album Capital S Sucks.

I'm so sorry. I wanted to like it. I tried to like it. I own it on vinyl because I had so much faith in the Scary Jokes and, well, I should have given in to Luma's example and been a little hater. But at least me owning it means I now get to complain about it here.

I don't even know where to start, man. I was promised nightmare pop. It was hyped up by needlejuice as "simmering with passion and rage" - and maybe it was my own fault for thinking that it would be more like "boiling." Because it does simmer, in the way the energy just kind of Sits There, not quite hot enough, never building up to anything. Every track after Uzumaki just has no energy to it at all. Luma was right to describe it as "mopey" sounding.

The lyrics sound like they're trying to be angry, but none of the instrumentation or vocalization supports it. And maybe it's just me, but the lyrics feel a lot weaker than their previous albums in themselves. The weaker lyrics in April Fools were saved for very straightforward songs with poppy sounds, like Apple Pie. Here, the lyrics are straightforward and boring when they're supposed to be conveying more emotion. "I don’t want to go to the bullfight / Don’t, don’t, please don’t make me go / Maybe I’m made to maim / But it’s my choice alone whose blood will paint these stones" in Rage is one of the better stanzas, and it's still just. Trying too hard, I guess?? While the vocals aren't trying hard enough??? It just comes out as kind of petty, to me. In Burn Pygmalion, even if some of the sentiments were petty, every track still felt very personal between Sylvia and Jeanine. It felt petty on purpose. There was anger and venom and it carried into every bit of the vocalization. If you've got differing opinions, though, I'd love to hear them on my site profile.

While I can't excuse the boring lyrics, I have to wonder how much of the sound can be blamed on Angel Marcloid (Fire-Toolz/Angel Hair Audio). It's just so packed full of noise that doesn't do anything. And I LOVE noise!!! I grew up on horrible MLP dubstep!!! Put some awful noises in there!!! But you need CONTRAST!!!! Putting More in there does nothing when you can't differentiate the lyrics from the Nothingness going on. (See: every track after Uzumaki.)

A lot of the times the vocals get buried under, like, a guitar that is playing the same chords and doesn't go anywhere. (Uzumaki really suffers from this, despite being my favorite track. The bar was pretty low.) The vinyls for April Fools and Burn Pygmalion both came with the stems, so I was hoping (and kind of counting on) this one doing the same, so either Luma or I could try toning down the weird mixing choices. No such luck, though.

I even tried looking for the Riptide demo I remember being on patreon, but apparently it's gone now that the album is out, so I can't see if it was better before Angel mangled it. Ugh. And now I'm out a dollar. On the plus side, the other snippets of random stuff on patreon do sound better than Retinal Bloom as a whole, so maybe I can just. Hope and pray that Angel will stop ruining things in the future. And cry a little

Something funny about the context of me getting this album. when "Our Murderous Descent" first dropped, the twitter link got mixed up with some JKR diss track by Trust Fund Ozu, which sucked incredibly bad and made the actual album here sound better in comparison. Which I think was the tipping point towards me hoping the best for this album and preordering the vinyl.

Other miscellaneous complaints:

"Forever in You" has a part starting at 3:39 that sounds like bad kazoos (Luma says this is a guitar with a distortion pedal). The thing is, I normally LIKE bad kazoos. I will actively listen to bad kazoos on purpose. My discord username is *kazoo noises*. That should tell you how serious this complaint is
"Fist in the drywall / You won’t believe who I just saw" with the ending in "Uzumaki" sounds like it's ramping up to go into something with more energy and possibly continue a story and IT DOESN'T. IT FALLS INTO ELEPHANT FOOT MY DESTESTED SLUDGE OF A SONG
The breakdown on "Elephant Foot" makes me feel like I'm having a stroke
I could not pick a single memorable line from this album
There are only 10 tracks and all of them are longer than they need to be

And what the heck, a few miscellaneous positive things:

"Magic Hat" is kind of fun sounding
"Forever in You" has a kind of creepy vibe to it that's alright until the guitar-kazoo kicks in
"Uzumaki" gets stuck in my head in a way that isn't bad
If you are looking for songs with lower energy, or a tension that never resolves, this album might be for you
Most of the songs have grown on me a little bit and maybe they'll grow on me more. Maybe. (Not Elephant Foot.)

Favorite Track: Uzumaki

This is pretty much the only truly upbeat song on the album. "Retreat to Celestial Bodies" is a runner up for favorite track by nature of not having vocals to get lost in the mixing.

Least Favorite Track: Elephant Foot

Rating: 0/5

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