Original Hits, Original Stars

Tracklist + Lyrics:

1. Pinch Me

   It's the perfect time of year
   Somewhere far away from here
   I feel fine enough, I guess
   Considering everything's a mess.
   There's a restaurant down the street
   Where hungry people like to eat
   I could walk, but I'll just drive
   It's colder than it looks outside.

   It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone,
   Then ya try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn,
   When ya try to see the world beyond your front door.

   Take your time 'cause the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile,
   When ya realize that with a guy my size it might take a while,
   Just to try to figure out what all this is for.

   It's the perfect time of day
   To throw all your cares away
   Put the sprinkler on the lawn
   And run through with my gym shorts on.
   Take a drink right from the hose
   And change into some drier clothes
   Climb the stairs up to my room
   Sleep away the afternoon.

   It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone,
   Then ya try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn,
   When ya try to see the world beyond your front door.

   Take your time 'cause the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
   Realize that with a guy my size it might take a while, just to
   Try to figure out what all this is for.
   Pinch me
   Pinch me
   'Cause I'm still asleep.
   Please God
   Tell me
   That I'm still asleep

   On an evening such as this
   It's hard to tell if I exist
   If I packed a car and leave this town
   Who'll notice that I'm not around?
   I could hide out under there
   I just made you say 'underwear'
   I could leave but I'll just stay
   All my stuff's here anyway.

   It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone,
   Then ya try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn,
   When ya try to see the world beyond your front door.

   Take your time 'cause the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile,
   When ya realize that with a guy my size it might take a while,
   Just to try to figure out what all this is for.
   Try to figure out what all this is for.
   Try to see the world beyond your front door.
   Try to figure out what all this is for.

2. Testing 1, 2, 3

   Maybe it would be fun
   To get a new opinion
   Get a little work done
   And forget
   
   Maybe it would be cool
   If I rocked it old school
   Try to break a gold rule
   And a sweat
   
   Better than the first time
   Better than the worst time
   If I could just reverse time
   I'd be set
   
   Testing 1,2,3
   Can anybody hear me?
   If I shed the irony
   Would anybody cheer me?
   If I acted less like me
   Would I be in the clear?
   
   She got a new apartment
   It's out on the escarpment
   And in her glove compartment
   Are my songs
   
   She hasn't even heard them
   Since she found out what the words meant
   She decided she preferred them
   All wrong
   
   Kind of like the last time
   With a bunch of really fast rhymes
   If we're living in the past I'm
   Soon gone
   
   Testing 1,2,3
   Can anybody hear me?
   If I shed the irony
   Would anybody cheer me?
   If I acted less like me
   Would I be in the clear?
   
   We recognize the present
   Is half as pleasant
   As our nostalgia for
   
   The past'll be presented
   Recast and reinvented
   Until it's how we meant it
   
   Testing 1,2,3
   Can anybody hear me?
   If I shed the irony
   Would anybody cheer me?
   If I acted less like me
   Would I be in the clear?
   
   He's everything that you need
   You wiped out on your ten speed
   And either he will succeed
   Or just suck

   Testing 1,2,3
   Can anybody hear me?
   If I shed the irony
   Would anybody cheer me?
   If I acted less like me
   Would I be in the clear?
   
   Begin the...
   
   Testing 1,2,3
   Can anybody hear me?
   If I shed the irony
   Would anybody cheer me?
   If I acted less like me
   Would I be in the clear?
   Would I be in the clear, G?
   
   Testing 1,2,3
   Testing 1,2,3

3. The Old Apartment

   Broke into the old apartment
   This is where we used to live
   Broken glass, broke and hungry
   Broken hearts and broken bones
   This is where we used to live

   Why did you paint the walls?
   Why did you clean the floor?
   Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?
   This is where we used to live

   Why did you keep the mousetrap?
   Why did you keep the dish rack?
   These things used to be mine
   I guess they still are, I want them back

   Broke into the old apartment
   Forty-two steps from the street
   Crooked landing, crooked landlord
   Narrow laneway filled with crooks
   This is where we used to live

   Why did they pave the lawn?
   Why did they change the locks?
   Why did I have to break in, I only came here to talk
   This is where we used to live

   How is the neighbour downstairs?
   How is her temper this year?
   I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun
   I know we don't live here anymore
   We bought an old house on the Danforth
   She loves me and her body keeps me warm
   I'm happy there
   But this is where we used to live

   Broke into the old apartment
   Tore the phone out of the wall
   Only memories, fading memories
   Blending into dull tableaux

   I want them back 

4. It's All Been Done

   I met you before the fall of Rome
   And I begged you to let me take you home
   You were wrong, I was right
   You said goodbye, I said goodnight

   It's all been done
   It's all been done
   It's all been done before

   I knew you before the west was won
   And I heard you say the past
   was much more fun
   You go your way, I go mine
   But I'll see you next time

   It's all been done
   It's all been done
   It's all been done before

   And if I put my fingers here, and if I say
   "I love you, dear"
   And if I play the same three chords,
   Will you just yawn and say

   It's all been done
   It's all been done
   It's all been done before

   Alone and bored on a thirtieth-century night
   Will I see you on The Price Is Right?
   Will I cry? Will I smile?
   As you run down the aisle?

   It's all been done
   It's all been done
   It's all been done before 

5. Falling for the First Time

   I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser
   I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out
   I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby
   I'm so fly, that's probably why it
   Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

   I'm so green, it's really amazing
   I'm so clean, too bad I can't get all the dirt off of me.
   I'm so sane, it's driving me crazy
   It's so strange, I can't believe it
   Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

   Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
   Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
   What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
   What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind
   It feels just like I'm falling for the first time
   It feels just like I'm falling for the first time

   I'm so chill, no wonder it's freezing
   I'm so still, I just can't keep my fingers out of anything
   I'm so thrilled to finally be failing
   I'm so done, turn me over cause it
   Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

   Anything plain can be lovely, anything loved can be lost
   Maybe I lost my direction, what if our love is the cost?
   Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
   Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
   What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
   What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind 

6. Easy

   What's a boy to do
   When you tell your tale
   And, it never fails
   I just end up feeling bad for you

   With your hang-dog eyes
   You can bring me down
   Now I'm wrapped around your whole hand
   Stop looking so surprised

   You make it easy (easy)
   You make it easy (easy)

   I've been burned before
   You're not fooling me
   There's no mystery
   You've forgotten what you're hiding for

   Call it self-defence
   You can obfuscate
   And manipulate
   But it's only at your own expense

   You make it easy (easy)
   You make it easy (easy)
   You make it easy (easy)
   You make it easy (easy)

   Easy to be with you
   Easy to obey
   Easy to forgive you at the end of the day
   Easy now to judge you
   Easy to betray
   Easy to adore you, though you want to run away

   It's easy

   Look what you have done
   I can do the same
   Two can play this game
   You'll no longer be the only one

   You make it easy (easy)
   You make it easy (easy)
   You make it easy (easy)
   Easy (easy) 

7. Brian Wilson (Live)

   Drove downtown in the rain, 9:30 on a Tuesday night
   Just to check out the late-night record shop
   Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane
   But when I'm surrounded I just can't stop

   It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning, a matter of fact
   You can call me Pavlov's dog
   Ring a bell and I'll salivate, now how'd you like that?
   Dr. Landy, tell me you're not just a pedagogue

   'Cause right now I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
   Well, I-I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did, whoa
   So I'm a-lying here just staring at the ceiling tiles
   And I'm thinking about, oh, what to think about
   Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile
   And I'm wondering if this is some kind of creative drought

   Because I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
   Well, I-I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did, whoa

   And if you want to find me, I'll be out in the sandbox
   Just wondering where the hell all the love is gone
   A-playing my guitar and building castles in the sun, whoa, whoa, whoa
   And singing "Fun, Fun, Fun"
   I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
   Well, I-I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did, whoa
   I had a dream
   That I was 300 pounds
   And though I was very heavy
   I floated till I couldn't see the ground
   I floated till I couldn't see the ground, oh
   Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
   Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
   Somebody help me
   Because I'm

   Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
   Well, I-I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did, ooh, yeah
   Drove downtown in the rain, 9:30 on a Tuesday night
   Just to check out the late-night record shop (late-night record shop)
   Call it impulsive, you can call it compulsive, you can call it insane, oh
   But when I'm surrounded I just can't stop

8. Odds Are

   Struck by lightning
   Sounds pretty frightening
   But you know the chances are so small
   Stuck by a bee sting, nothing but a bee thing
   Better chance you're gonna buy it at the mall

   But it's 23 or 4 to 1 that you could fall in love by the end of this song
   So, get up, get up
   Tell the bookie "put a bet up"
   Not a damn thing will go wrong

   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright, odds are we're gonna be alright tonight
   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright for another night

   Hit by the A-Train, crashed in an airplane
   I wouldn't recommend either one
   Killed by a Great White or a meteorite
   I guess there ain't no way to go that's fun

   But somewhere in the world someone is gonna fall in love by the end of this song
   So, get up, get up
   No it's never gonna let up
   So you might as well sing along

   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright, odds are we're gonna be alright tonight
   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright for another night

   Sure, things go wrong, but I'll take my chances
   Odds are long, so why not play?

   Struck by lightning, sounds pretty frightening
   But you know the chances are so small
   Hit by the A-Train, crashed in an airplane
   Better chance you're gonna buy it at the mall

   But it's 23 or 4 to 1 that you could fall in love by the end of this song
   So, get up, get up
   No I'm never gonna let up
   So, you might as well sing along

   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright, odds are we're gonna be alright tonight
   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright, odds are we're gonna be alright tonight

   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright, odds are we're gonna be alright tonight
   The odds are that we will probably be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright
   Odds are we're gonna be alright for another night 

9. Big Bang Theory Theme

   Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
   Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
   The Earth began to cool,
   The autotrophs began to drool,
   Neanderthals developed tools,
   We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
   Math, science, history, unraveling the mystery,
   That all started with the big bang (bang)!

   "Since the dawn of man" is really not that long,
   As every galaxy was formed in less time than it takes to sing this song.
   A fraction of a second and the elements were made.
   The bipeds stood up straight,
   The dinosaurs all met their fate,
   They tried to leap but they were late
   And they all died (they froze their asses off)
   The oceans and Pangaea
   See ya wouldn't wanna be ya
   Set in motion by the same big bang!

   It all started with the big bang!

   It's expanding ever outward but one day
   It will pause and start to go the other way.
   Collapsing ever inward, we won't be here, it won't be heard
   Our best and brightest figure that it'll make an even bigger bang!

   Australopithecus would really have been sick of us
   Debating how we're here, they're catching deer (we're catching viruses)
   Religion or astronomy (Descartes or Deuteronomy)
   It all started with the big bang!

   Music and mythology, Einstein and astrology
   It all started with the big bang!
   It all started with the big... bang! 

10. One Week

    It's been one week since you looked at me
    Cocked your head to the side and said, "I'm angry"
    Five days since you laughed at me saying
    "Get back together come back and save me"
    Three days since the living room
    I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
    Yesterday you'd forgiven me
    But it'll still be two days 'til I say I'm sorry

    Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
    As I make you stop, think
    You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
    I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
    I like the sushi
    'Cause it's never touched a frying pan
    Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes
    Big like LeAnn Rimes
    Because I'm all about value
    Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
    You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
    Gonna make a break and take a fake
    I'd like a stinking aching shake
    I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
    Gotta see the show, 'cause then you'll know
    That vertigo is gonna grow
    'Cause it's so dangerous
    You'll have to sign a waiver

    How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
    Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
    I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
    Can't understand what I mean?
    Well, you soon will
    I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
    I have a history of taking off my shirt

    It's been one week since you looked at me
    Threw your arms in the air
    And said, "You're crazy"
    Five days since you tackled me
    I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
    It's been three days since the afternoon
    You realized it's not my fault
    Not a moment too soon
    Yesterday you'd forgiven me
    And now I sit back and wait 'til you say you're sorry

    Chickity China the Chinese chicken
    You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
    Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
    We're dans la maison
    I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
    Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
    Like Sting I'm tantric
    Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

    Like Kurosawa I make mad films
    Okay, I don't make films
    But if I did they'd have a Samurai
    Gonna get a set a' better clubs
    Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
    Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
    Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
    'Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes
    That make me think the wrong thing

    How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
    Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
    I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
    Can't understand what I mean?
    You soon will
    I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
    I have a history of losing my shirt

    It's been one week since you looked at me
    Dropped your arms to your sides
    And said, "I'm sorry."
    Five days since I laughed at you and said
    "You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
    Three days since the living room
    We realized we're both to blame
    But what could we do?
    Yesterday you just smiled at me
    Cause it'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry

    It'll still be two days 'til we say we're sorry
    It'll still be two days 'til we say "Wasabi"
    Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie 

11. If I Had $1,000,000

    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you furniture for your house
    (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
    If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.
    
    If I Had $1000000
    I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
    If I Had $1000000
    You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
    If I Had $1000000
    Maybe we could put put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
    ([Talking:] We could just go up there and hang out.
    Like open the fridge and stuff, and there'd be foods laid out for us
    With little pre-wrapped sausages and things. Mmmmm.
    They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon.
    Well can you blame them. Yeah)
    
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)
    If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love
    
    If I Had $1000000
    We wouldn't have to walk to the store
    If I Had $1000000
    We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
    If I Had $1000000
    We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
    (But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more.
    And buy really expensive ketchup with it.
    That's right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmmm.)
    
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
    If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
    I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
    If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love
    
    If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
    If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
    I'd be rich.

12. You Run Away

    You run away
    You could turn and stay
    But you run away from me.

    I tried to be your brother
    You cried and ran for cover
    I made a mess, who doesn’t
    I did my best but it wasn’t enough

    You run away
    You could turn and stay
    But you run away from me.

    I’ll give you something can cry about
    One thing you should try it out
    Hold a mirror shoulder high
    When you’re older look you in the eye
    When you’re older look you in the eye

    I tried but you tried harder
    I lied but you lied smarter
    You made me guess who was it
    I did my best but it wasn’t enough

    OOOOHHHHHHHOOOHHH

    You run away
    You could turn and stay
    But you run away from me

    You run away (I tried to be your brother)
    You could turn and stay (You cried and ran for cover)
    But you run away from me (I made a mess, who doesn’t, I did my best but it wasn’t enough)

    But that’s not something to cry about (crrryyyy!)
    It’s not something to lie about

    You run away (I tried to be your brother)
    You could turn and stay (You cried and ran for cover)
    But you run away from me (I made a mess, who doesn’t, I did my best but it wasn’t enough)