April Fools

The Scary Jokes

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Tracklist + Lyrics:

  1. Friends With You

    how long do i have to wait 
    til my lonely days are over 
    my heart is on the train 
    a bag without an owner 

    i put myself to bed just halfway through the party 
    i love all my friends but i hate when their eyes are on me 
    i miss being friends with you, but what can i do 
    what can i do but leave you alone 

    here's to you and me 
    and the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see 
    the end result of my own reckless impulsivity 
    could you spare a sec to talk to me 

    but what is left to say 
    now we see each other plain 
    why do you pretend 
    you don't know who's to blame 

    underneath the streetlight 
    you are dark and sweet and golden 
    i creep out of the night 
    to rest my head on your shoulder 

    and i can tell you really love me 
    can you tell i'm really sorry? 
    can you tell i'm REALLY SORRY? 
    let's just go home

  2. Apple Pie

    oh ain't it lovely ain't it sweet
    to be staring at my feet when i see you on the street
    i just get so bummed out when i think about
    how i'll always be too shy to say what's on my mind
    i'm fantasizing all the time

    and every day is always sunny
    i'm sweet as syrup on ya, honey
    and isn't it wonderful?
    how you make me so confused when i talk to you
    am i losing my mind or am i winning your heart?

    oh if only i'd met you way back when i was alone without a friend
    things would've been so much easier then
    now i forget how to feel, i haven't fully healed
    from that awful blow
    i hope it doesn't show, cause i don't want to be alone

    every day's an apple pie
    when i'm with you i'm not so shy
    and i almost feel alive in your arms
    help me forget what i'm going through and i'll give everything to you
    it's the least that i could do

    we could be happy you and me
    we could be happy you and me
    we could be happy you and me
    we could be happy you and me
    we could be happy you and me
    we could be happy you and me
    we could be happy you and me
    we could be happy?

  3. Feelin' So Matryoshka

    electrical currents shorting out my gelatin mind all the
    time, it's such a wonder my head don't blow like a halogen bulb
    peach schnapps in plastic cups
    i trust you've got nothing but good intentions

    feelin' so matryoshka but i have lost my painted doll likeness
    it's been such a bore just thinking of ways to fill a day
    lately all these paper clones have lost their fun
    now you've grown so sick of my wooden affection

    i know the night the void the darkness belong to you Rhonda
    i know
    but this sudden rot has caught me totally off-guard
    and i don't have a clue how to own it like you do
    could you teach me how to break down with elegance?

    Rhonda don't leave me to crumble at your feet
    has something happened between us?
    you used to be so sweet

  4. In a Bitter Syrup

    september & october caught me in a nervous daydream
    felt like a piranha dangling on a candy-coated hook
    all the rain and overflowing drainpipes couldn't stop the world from glowing
    with a light i'd only ever seen in dreams

    my eyes are two browning drying flowers pressed hard into my skin
    trying to remember how they looked, if they were beautiful
    casually lying on the kitchen floor, overcome with bubblegum bliss
    cause this is the first time i've truly had any fun

    sweet confusion in a bitter syrup lift my spirits up again
    kiss me on the eyelids and tuck me into bed

  5. Catabolic Seed

    oh what's a devil to do
    when those old delusions so tried and true
    don't come through like they used to?

    ugh all my money's run out
    i blew it all on a cumulus cloud
    that dissipated so fast, seems the good times never last

    and i always fall flat on my back, like an upside-down cat
    but is bad luck really such a crime?
    if you won't be my valentine, could you at least give me a little bit of sympathy?

    oh i made a silly mistake (what'd you do?)
    i've given up more than i can take (uh oh!)
    and left hollows in my wake

    my structure's compromised
    but you still batter at all my fault lines
    i can't run, i can't hide, but you can't say i didn't try

    to retreat back into me like a catabolic seed
    i want to destroy everything that's mine!
    if you won't be my valentine, could you at least give me a little bit of sympathy?

    i don't care if i'm losing myself in the garden of earthly delights
    i could drop dead right where i stand, i wouldn't mind

  6. Icicles

    get in your zone, dont even look at them at all 
    their shallow observations will only stall the transformation 
    youve become art, how could they even start to see 
    beyond your presentation when theyve got no imagination 

    but i admit it would be easier to be relieved of all this shame and not have to wear it on my sleeve 
    i imagine its quite nice for you to have so many chances oh so many ways to be redeemed 

    but as for me i can only be forgiven if im givin myself up to you on a silver serving tray 
    must i bare myself to the stabbing of your knife and gnashing teeth while our lovely company appears so entertained 

    ah yes, good etiquette demands i remain soft and accessible in the face of my own ending 
    so i will try to be discreet thru my FULL-BLOWN IMPLOSION i’ll stay golden and retreat into my sweetest fantasy 

    (the one where you are crying & i dont do anything at all) 

    my world has turned so cold but i wont cry 
    cause icicles dont soften when they die so why should i 
    icicles dont soften when they die 
    they sharpen into sabers and they STAB YOU IN THE EYE

  7. A Mannequin Adrift

    hey, what's a good kid like you doing in a place like this?
    surely you're sick of the sorry predicament you've landed yourself in?
    you are determinedly ill but still you ought to have some idea
    why you're still hanging around

    come on, let us see you smile
    stop crying and let's see you smile
    you're much prettier that way

    it's so hard to function
    i feel like my body has died with my soul trapped inside
    this cold death rattle in my chest feels just like pennies in a tin can

    Rhonda i wonder how long you will wait for me?
    or if you even thought to save the pieces of my shattered ego
    these terrible chemical vapors are cutting up my lungs

    come on don't you remember me?
    or have you burned my effigy?
    it floats around my memory like a mannequin adrift at sea
    i think perhaps things might be better off this way

  8. Blood From the Concrete

    i'll take the rocks out of my head
    and you can sell them on the internet
    to a paving company who
    will grind my brains into cement

    when i'm the gravel we can travel and unravel the threads that bind us to our senses
    i'll pave the way so we can make our mental getaway
    i'll be your highway you can drive all over me

    i don't know how i could get any lower but!
    i can try my best for you cause
    if i can't be a good friend, maybe i can be good pavement
    baby i'll lead you into the light

    what can i do for you?
    i want to make you feel important
    i'll give it up for you cause
    after all you've been so supportive

    like, i get that trying to get affection from me is like trying to draw blood from the concrete
    i'll prove that i can change, i'll rearrange my particles
    transform my heart into a tunnel over you

    i don't know how i could get any lower but
    i can try my best for you cause
    if i can't be a good friend, maybe i can be good pavement
    i can be your highway you can walk all over me

  9. A Night at the Movies

    i got out for a while today
    thought i would go see a movie
    spent ninety minutes alone in the dark
    still i could feel your eyes bore into me

    i think you've poisoned me right to the core
    wonder if you'll ever really know
    i bought some beer at the corner store
    i took the long way getting home

    if the sky falls down on our house
    it would have been a long time coming
    if the walls all caved in i'd just lie down
    i wouldn't even bother running

    only crazy people look up at the sky and say
    "oh, isn't it beautiful?"
    oh, they must be delusional!
    the earth and the sky are pressing hard on my body

    my poor little body!
    oh no oh no oh no
    why won't they just leave me alone?

    i got out for a while today
    but it made no difference to me
    i finally said what i needed to say
    but there was nobody home to listen to me

  10. Pink Smoke

    you walk through walls, set off the smoke alarm
    i feel your arms wrapping around me
    your aura almost drowns me like a deadly perfume
    pink smoke

    i'm choking on your memory, it fills my chest
    i lose my breath thinking about you
    i'm trying to get by without you but the air is full of ash
    pink smoke

    pink smoke gets stuck in my throat
    pink smoke gets stuck in my throat
    when i say your name my heart goes up in flames
    it smells so very strange, like grenadine & gasoline

    pink smoke

  11. Pleasure Cruise

    down by the bay a man made of clay 
    dips his toes into the ocean, trying to wash himself away 
    he jumps into the pond and he starts to dissolve 
    and he dreams about the streams that bleed into the amazon 

    if you are a boulder that never leaves the shore 
    you'll get ground up into sand and tracked onto the floor 
    swept into a pile on someone's kitchen tile 

    these hurricanes have led my heart astray 
    but maybe if i try my hardest i'll finally chase the rainclouds all away 

    i heard on the news that they keep finding shoes 
    on the shores of ecuador and no one knows what they should do 
    they tried to give them away but there's more every day 
    ballet shoes in shades of blue and rubber boots and mary janes 

    if you have to get away, don't take a pleasure cruise 
    cause you might get swept away (and you'll lose your shoes) 
    they'll end up in a pile on some foreign isle 

    these hurricanes have led my heart astray 
    but maybe if i try my hardest i'll finally chase the rainclouds all away 

    in a couple years, the land will disappear under the ocean 
    when that day is here i'll pack a bathing suit and tanning lotion 
    i'll let the waves take me away 

  12. Toynbee Tiles

    sweet dreams, i'll see you in the morning
    all we need is a few hours sleep
    and tomorrow, we'll keep looking for clues
    to the riddles spelled out in our soup

    there's a dozen round every corner
    but it won't be easy to piece them together
    but we've got minds like barbed wire
    i never thought that it would be so tough
    just to exist through the simplest, most menial stuff
    but i know we're gonna figure this thing out (or self-immolate trying)

    there once was a time when we walked crooked lines
    but that's all over now
    i'll walk with you into the blue

    dreamt of a city, somewhere over the mountains
    where the sidewalks are paved with helpful ideas
    you were with me, standing over the highway
    gasoline hanging in the air

    can't seem to cut loose all these tangled threads
    in my embroidered tapestry crafted by my very own 2,000 hands
    you got any weekend plans?
    can't help but wonder if you're still my pal
    but you told me once that you would follow me into hell
    and oh man, that place is far behind me now

    there once was a time when we walked crooked lines
    but that's all over now
    i'll walk with you into the blue

    there was a traveler who claimed he had all the answers
    he came from jupiter but he was only an amateur
    he was all alone so far from home

    there once was a time when we walked crooked lines
    but that's all over now
    i'll walk with you into the blue

Vinyl Details

This is one of the vinyls I was looking forward to getting for a long time—and because of the PVC shortage, it took even longer to come in. But I can easily say it’s one of the most spun out of my collection. Since the A side ends with “Icicles,” they cut out the loud crash on “A Mannequin Adrift” that normally bridges between them, which is probably for the best since it’s pretty startling to start a track with. But on the other hand I wish they’d just been able to put both tracks on the same side. (I know that would be even more difficult since “Catabolic Seed” transitions smoothly into “Icicles,” too.) Unlike the first Scary Jokes vinyl, this one doesn’t have any locked grooves, but I didn’t find myself missing them.

I have the Pink Smoke variant, which is pretty cool looking when you hold it up to the light. One of the other variants probably would’ve been even cooler, but I keep going for the translucent vinyls even when I know they don’t look quite as neat actually on the record player. Needlejuice doesn’t exactly have the most accurate mockups, which always makes the decision more of a gamble than it should be.

(Needlejuice mockup vs. my photos)

Personal Thoughts

I got into the Scary Jokes from a Miraculous Ladybug animatic set to “Icicles” that has since been taken down, and I regret not ripping it from YouTube pretty much every day. It was so incredibly good. I ended up reccing the song to my pal Luma, who it turned out was already a fan, and then they introduced me to the rest of the Scary Jokes’ music.

“Icicles” is still one of my favorite tracks, but every song on this album is such a hit it’s nearly impossible to pick a top favorite. “Toynbee Tiles” is the one I lean towards just because “can’t seem to cut loose all these tangled threads / in my embroidered tapestry crafted by my very own 2,000 hands / you got any weekend plans?” always hits and is so fun to belt out loud.

After the 2021 mix dropped, I played the album all the time on my way to and from work, where it was the perfect length to listen to the whole thing by the time I got back home. So I have a lot of memories of driving around belting lots of these lyrics.

One of these days I want to write a Vanqua fic inspired by Toynbee Tiles—I have such a clear mental image of them bonding after KH3 in Scala ad Caelum, where for the fic I’d headcanon Vanitas got reborn after being killed. (If it used to be Daybreak Town, then it’s where Ven originally came from, right? I have to brush up on my KHUX/Dark Road lore.) And then I’d have Aqua (and probably Kairi) go to look for Sora there, where they find Vanitas just. Living with his Unversed, learning how to grow some food, generally minding his business and not happy to see them. The feeling is mutual for Aqua, but Kairi thinks he might have a connection to Sora, and they end up being friends while Vanitas has an enemies-to-lovers with Aqua. I just think Kairi being able to tease him about his stupid crush would also be hilarious. …That was pretty off-topic, but the “I’ll walk with you / into the blue” in addition to well. Literally all the lyrics. Really feels Vanqua-in-Scala to me. Now if only I can make time to watch a Dark Road compilation so I can have the loreeeeee

Besides that future fic idea, there are a TON of fics I’ve already done that use titles/lyrics from this album. Part of that is because I had a Scary Jokes lyrics prompt list I took requests from, haha. Anyway, just for fun, here’s a list:

...At this point, maybe I should just make it a goal to write something for every track on this album, lol.

Favorite Track: Toynbee Tiles

Rating: /5